There I was.

There I was.
Ankle-deep in burning-hot black sand and a toad crawling out from beneath my toes.
I jumped at the same time the toad did and he had the better idea of jumping onto my boob, while I almost stumbled into a patch of poison ivy.
This would have been about the time I recovered my balance, except the toad had now caught its little leg in my knitted sweater and it was frantically attempting to jump off my chest, so my distress continued as I tried to pull him off.

To the red and freckled family of four standing in front of me, I must have appeared quite insane.
Toad on my left boob, huge knitted sweater in 27C (70F???) weather, red bumps on my legs from my newly-discovered mosquito allergy, and black hands and feet from struggling up sand dunes on my hands and feet. Plus, I was doing what looked like a tribal dance trying to shake the little critter off me.

I ended up in this mess because I was bored in Provincetown while Anna was working.
I decided to drive up to Racepoint and find a picturesque little beach and lighthouse where I could be alone, listen to the waves, and do a bit of reading.

The park ranger gave me directions to a dirt parking lot and a 3 mile trail leading to Racepoint lighthouse. He told me it would be a long walk in the sand and on top of that, it had started raining. He said it was the only way to get to Racepoint lighthouse because all the roads only led to the major and more popular beaches.
3 miles didn't seem so bad.

When I got to the tiny dirt parking lot, there were no other cars there. I put on my sweater and raincoat and began the journey down the dirt path.
It was hard to walk in the heavy wet sand, so I had to take off my sandals.
After 20 minutes of trudging in the sand, I reached a marsh.
The path cut across the marsh and I thought: I've already walked this far, I should just keep going.

20 more minutes, I was jogging and at the same time, swatting away airborne blood-suckers.
My legs had already started to swell, yellow bumps surrounded by patches of red skin.

Finally, I got out of the marsh and the rain had stopped. Thank god.
The next challenge was sand dunes.
The sun was coming out, so I thought that I had gotten through the worst.
Still barefoot, I felt the sand getting hotter under my feet and the sweater I was wearing wasn't helping. I was already carrying the raincoat and climbing up the sand dunes, so I didn't take off the sweater.
I'm sure the scenery was beautiful around me, but it was hard to focus on anything but my burning feet.

After nearly an hour, I saw the lighthouse. And this was where I got into the black sand (don't ask me where this black sand came from) and confronted the family of four, who were staying at the guesthouse beside the lighthouse.

The family was nice enough to give me some bugspray after my fiasco. I didn't care that a hairy, fat, red and sunburned man wearing a thick gold chain around his neck felt sorry for me, I was just thankful for the bugspray. If there hadn't been any bugspray, I swear I would have just stayed on the beach until help came in the form of an enclosed vehicle where no toads, mosquitos, or hot black sand could get in.

I arrived at the beach and walked straight into the ocean to cool off my feet. Ah, finally. the journey had paid off. There was no one to be seen. Just me. I closed my eyes to listen to the waves and to feel the cool, ocean breeze. I felt a cloud pass over the sun and I was sooo thankful.

"Watchhhh outtt!"
Too late, the football had hit me in the head already.
The shadow was not a cloud, but some frat boy running towards me because his buddy had told him to 'go deep'.
The boy wearing the backwards cap and flaming orange shorts helped me get up, apologizing as he did. He checked to make sure I was okay and told me I should put on some sunscreen because my legs looked really red.

I decided not to explain.

In my confused and frustrated state, he led me around the beach bend and what I saw next made me feel just st-oo- pid.
A crowd of scantily-clad college kids were putting up tents and RVs with more students in them were pulling up from behind. Of course, they brought tiki torches.
I thanked the boy for helping me, but I had to go back to my hotel.
He said: "Do you need a ride? I'm driving back to Provincetown."

So here's what I've learned:
a) The park ranger is either a liar or he doesn't patrol the roads very well.
b) I'm allergic to mosquito saliva and I will now and forever carry a large bottle of OFF! in my purse.
c) Weather.com can't even get the same day's hourly forecast right.